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[15 May 2008|05:22pm] |
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FUCK YOU FINALS I KICKED YER ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| this entry is entitled men are pigs, finals suck, homewreckers are pathetic |
[13 May 2008|10:30pm] |
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so i've been studying at caribou since 3:30. and i ate like 10 chocolate covered espresso beans and now my heart is racing and its a weird feeling. i'm praying so hard not to fail my french final tomorrow. i might even get on my knees and i havent decided yet.
again various things with various boys may or may not work out. i'm keeping my options open cause its gonna be a HOT summer in D-Town. So we'll see what happens. Men are pigs and they're all the same. That's something i've definitely come to realize. Fuck you feminists for being right all along.
mom and dad divorced and the split from last semester and this semester is complete. everyone is going their own way and i think its better that way.
homewreckers are pathetic especially if that person has no romantic involvement in the situation. i never thought i'd meet such a miserable, evil person. but i guess i knew one for a long time and didnt realize it. people are ridiculous. they're more ridiculous when they want to bring everyone down with them. yuck.
i want this semester to be OOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEER. two more finals and it's all done.
thank god.
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| riots on the streets of Chicago. |
[29 Apr 2008|11:51am] |
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music |
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April 29, 1992 (Miami) - Sublime |
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so since some dude came and killed people in my lecture hall i've had to walk really far to get to where they changed my class to. you know what that means... i havent been going. also for some reason i can't bring myself to go to my lit class... i dont know why. anyway. since the gun man (fuck you, gun man) came and did what he did the school gave us a week off after the incident. but now everything is pushed back a week. tests that should have been farther away from finals are now RIGHT BEFORE them. Papers are due and everything is smushed together.
Will this semester EVER END???
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[12 Mar 2008|01:35pm] |
Scattergories Instructions: . It's harder
than it looks!
*Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of
the following...they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up!
Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same
1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.
You're up!!
Remember to send it back to me! It's not as easy as you think!!!?
What is your name: Liz / Elizabeth
A four letter word: Love / Evil
Name a vehicle: Lebaron / Eclipse
Name a city: London / Evanston
A boy's name: Lionel / Elliott
A girl's name: Lola / Eva
Drink: Lemonade / Eggnog
Something you wear: Linen / Earrings
Name a celebrity: Lindsey Lohan (2 pts.) / Ella Fitzgerald
Name a food item: Linguini / Elephant Ear (2 pts.)
A reason for being late: Lost / Elopement
Something you shout: LAROLD!! (You had to be there) / Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
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| somewhat of an update |
[11 Mar 2008|11:43pm] |
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music |
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Dirtbombs - Pretty Princess Day |
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I haven't been able to write since before 2/14. I don't know how to break this writer's block.
I got really drunk last night.
I found an apartment with Alex!!! The search is over. It's farther from campus than I am now, but it's an awesome place (and cheaper, too) . Wee!
Spring break has involved lots of laying about and not enough productivity. Oh well.
I bought my dad a present for no reason.
Everything is slowly getting back to normal. It's beginning to warm up for real now. There's sun out at 7pm now. :)
Printemps! Vous êtes arrivé finalement!
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| it's not heaven i'm pining for |
[02 Mar 2008|08:38pm] |
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music |
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Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #4 |
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It's beginning to smell like spring. I swear I can sense the seasons changing. I woke up today and I heard birds chirping. I smelled the air and it smelled crisp and clean. It's wonderful. Although it's going to snow this week....
Story of my life. Everything is blooming and beginning to be perfect then BAM! a blizzard comes and buries me.
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[28 Feb 2008|02:09am] |
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I'm not okay. I'm going to counseling tomorrow if I can get myself up for it. I already know I won't be going to class.
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| We all remain Huskie's. Hold On. |
[15 Feb 2008|11:14am] |
April 16, 2007
I never thought this could happen on my own campus. My home turf, in the classroom I had been sitting in mere hours before. I was right next door. I saw people running and walking out of classes. Everyone was on their cell phones. I received a phone call from a friend of mine asking if I was okay because there had been a shooting at Cole. I spend half my week there. I thought it was one person who had been shot. I thought there had just been a fight or something. I found out that it was a rampage when I heard people who were running from the lecture hall say that the guy had opened fire from the stage.
I went to my classroom because I had a test and because basically I didn't know what the hell to do. The door was locked and everyone was standing by the windows. I had to bang on the door before anyone would let me in. I stood around for a little bit trying to decide what to do. My teacher said he was leaving because, verbatim, "I'm a journalist, I have to follow the story." So he kind of juggles with the idea of leaving us and the rest of the kids are thinking the same thing. I told them there was no way I was going to stay in there and just wait, I wanted to go home. So my teacher slowly opens the door and looks around and tells us it looks clear. I start to leave and I'm still trying to get a hold of my BFF. We talk and we plan to meet up with each other. She says the dorms are on lock down but she's going to try to leave and go to my place. I walk over to her dorm and I meet up with some people I know. I start panicking and I try calling my sister. There were so many people trying to make phone calls that the lines were overloaded and I couldn't get through. When I finally did get through she wasn't in her office. I tried again and again until I called the front desk and told them they needed to find her 'cause it was an emergency. They find her for me and I tell her what's going on. She tells me to calm down and to go to my apartment. I don't feel safe walking over there so I stick around for awhile. A girl comes out from the lobby of the dorms and she tells the kid that I'm talking to that his friend had been shot. This kid JD that I know had been shot in the leg and had run from Cole Hall to the lobby of the dorm. That's when I really freaked out and I half-walked, half-ran to my apartment where Ashley was already waiting for me.
By this time it was already all over the news. I try to call my dad but I either I can't get through or he isn't answering. I was so frustrated that by the time I got a hold of him I'm really freaking out. As soon as I heard his voice I break down and can't form an audible sentence. He sounded so scared on the phone. I finaly was able to tell him what had happened. I told him I wanted to go home right now. He told me not to call my mom or tell her anything. He said not to drive home. I told him he couldn't come pick me up because the campus was completely closed. He told me to calm down and take a pill for my nerves (?). I said I would find something. After we hung up we packed a fat bowl and smoked it. That calmed me down. I was in and out of touch with my dad and it was finally decided that I would stay here since I had to work today. That's when I started drinking.
Later on that night my friend Colin came over and we went outside and walked to a convenience store to buy smokes. We saw a lot of people walking with their suitcases and baskets of clothes and stuff. There were police and feds everywhere. My street, which is right across from the center of campus where it all went down, was shut down and they were checking identifications of people trying to drive through. There were helicopters everywhere and news people leeching on anyone who walked by. Trying to get the story. Trying to exploit our heartbreak. The helicopters didn't leave for a long time.
So in all 5 people died plus the shooter. The shooter was some normal guy who graduated from here last spring. He was a grad student at another big university in Illinois. He had 4 guns including a shot gun. He shot 22 people in all including the teaching assistant who he shot at first. People ran bleeding from the lecture hall into the dorm across the bridge (not even a 2 minute walk). Thankfully JD was only mildly injured. He ws patched up and sent home. When he ran into the dorm lobby he was supposedly taken care of by some ROTC Marines. They stopped the bleeding and kept him calm until the paramedics came.
This is the most fucked up thing to ever happen to a lot of us here. This isn't gonna go away any time soon. It's going to take a long time to heal. I'm afraid. I'm actually afraid now. I wasn't afraid when Virginia Tech happened. I compared my school to that school but it never felt real. I thought it couldn't happen here. It's too much, too uncivilized. It happened in a matter of minutes and it changed everything. Many people who were brave yesterday saying it was bound to happen are now beginning to feel the shock and the sadness. I was stoned most of the day yesterday so I didn't really feel anything. It's been sinking in all day. It sunk in the moment I opened my eyes at 7am and heard helicopters. It sunk in when I saw my campus on the Today show. It sunk in when I saw hundreds of students stand in the freezing cold waiting to sign the huge memoriam board in the MLK Commons. Jesse Jackson spoke at the memorial before the vigil. Our (rat of a) governor was here this afternoon. There are news vans up and down the Student Center cul-de-sac. Fucking vultures. If only they would leave, it'd be much easier to feel normal again.
I'm very proud of how the school handled this situation. It's sad to say, but this cannot be prevented. The way they responded helps me feel a little better about this. There were 2 cops on the scene 29 seconds after it happened. There were 8 more 2 minutes later. The school was in complete lockdown in 7 minutes. They did a great job and I'm very proud of that.
School has been cancelled until further notice. I don't know exactly what's going to happen to those of us that have class in that building. Thousands of students go through everyday. I'm not sure if they're planning to close it down or if they're going to move us for a little while or if I have to go back as if nothing happened. I don't even know when classes begin again.
I don't feel good. All the shitty things that have been going on these past weeks have culminated into this. Those other things don't matter anymore. The worst has happened so everything just seems smaller.
So it turns out the Westboro Baptist Church, truly disgusting animals that they are, are planning to protest at the students' funerals. Apparently this tragedy happened because we support the "fags." God is punishing us for doing that. So they're planning on crashing these funerals in order to send a message: "gay man BAD, bigot GOOD." There are already plans of people going to these funerals with tarps and peaceful signs in order to block these poor excuses for humans from the funeral.
I'm tired. This entry is long enough. I have nothing more to say.
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| If winter ends...... |
[14 Nov 2007|03:19pm] |
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music |
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Claire de Lune - Debussy |
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OJ's on trial again? What is this, 1995? hmph.
I've been less of a crab ass lately. I was in a really bad place last week though. I'm over it. Got my check, bought some pot. Everything is classy. It's cold though. Oh and things with various boys around here are not working out at all. I'm done with the lot of 'em. Somehow even that isn't bothering me. Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce, it looks like. How will our group hold it together? I guess if we really are as tight as we claim to be we'll get through this. Poor JZ and IV. hopefully shit works itself out. That's basically it. I'm cold, lonely, but happy.
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| Untitled |
[08 Nov 2007|02:03am] |
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
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music |
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Cat Power |
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The days are so short now
The night as long as a thousand miles
There is no getting out of it
Time seems to move in slow motion
Minutes feel like hours
Time isn’t paying attention
Time is daydreaming about her Prince Charming
Time is slacking
Yet, how is it that it’s this time of year again?
How did it arrive so quickly?
There are only faint memories of warmth
A weak memory of sunlight all day long,
Lazy breezes, bare feet on the pavement,
Sitting on the grass warm from the sun,
Sticky behind the knees, chirps and buzzes.
Everything is somber now.
Is it the weather or the mood?
The weather creates this dismal disposition.
This ugly gray sky has the ability to make a girl go nuts.
But not even the gorgeous falling leaves of the most brilliant red, yellow, orange can attest for these feelings.
It’s the worst part of the year to be heart broken.
It isn’t hard to see the beauty in it all.
The beauty in the sadness
Is those glorious tears.
Mascara running like India ink
A Pollack painting on a face.
It takes a certain kind of person to smile through the sobs.
Blame it on the weather.
Embrace it.
Become cold, icy even. A beautiful ice sculpture.
Don’t touch you’ll turn into ice too!
Frosty eyes, glazed over no more emotion flickers there.
Frigid insides, never to thaw again.
This heart that once glowed is now a Siberian tundra. No more desire crosses through its veins.
The immature brain, once passionate and filled with vitality is now turbid and full of ash.
Thoughts of romance, Eros, Casanova, Don Juan, and Romeo gone.
New thoughts being to appear in this wasteland.
Survival. Boundaries. Protection.
A Fascist society of a brain.
These borders are no longer open to one and all.
A fence has been built.
----11/7/07
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[07 Nov 2007|07:19pm] |
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i have $5.14 in my bank account. rent is due in 8 days. sweet. i am minus one friend now. that sucks. i'm okay with that now. strangely. it wasn't as important as i thought it was since it took me little to no time to get over it. whatever.
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[05 Oct 2007|12:50pm] |
I’m aimless
loveless
love lost
There’s barely a future in sight.
Where do I go with this thin piece of paper that holds my worth?
I’ve always been aimless
restless
lost.
----9-25-07
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| A month in pictures. |
[16 Sep 2007|12:19pm] |
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music |
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Dave Chappelle |
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This month has been freaking crazy. So much stuff has gone down. Who the fuck cares? I'm having a ridiculously good time. My friends are awesome. My apartment is sweet. School sucks. Everything else is okay.
I had the worst hangover I've ever had in my life yesterday. But I had fun. Ashley and I rented the original Hairspray and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. We baked cookies and smoked up. It was relaxing as hell.
And now... The photos.
( Fall 2007 )
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[09 Sep 2007|06:18pm] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
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music |
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The Bucket - KOL |
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the Cubs are no longer in first place.
Yay.
I miss TV. I miss reliable internet.
I need money. I also have lots of other stuff to say, but that shall be for another time.
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[09 Aug 2007|11:42pm] |
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music |
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TV on the Radio |
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so today one of those friends who i think have left me in the gutter had "Go Cubbies" as an away message. Is it weird that I thought seriously of never talking to this person again? Is it the Cubs or is it the fact that this person won't make an effort to talk to me?
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[09 Aug 2007|12:51am] |
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Most of the friends who I care for the most have left me in the gutter.
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[06 Aug 2007|12:35am] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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Janis Joplin |
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On Saturday I had to close. There was no one good playing before I started work. I missed Regina Spektor, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Patti Smith, and Spoon at night. Boo. I had a mini-panic attack/breakdown. There were just massive amounts of people. Really crazy stuff. It's was just really ridiculous how it was on-going for eight hours without any sort of break. Hellooooo Sweat Shop. And there was never a slow time. That was ridiculous too. I'm really glad I didn't have to scoop ice cream. But being on the register was stressful. I got to hear Interpol. They were terrible. I walked around to the other side of the store and heard Muse. They were terrible.
Today my summer reached it's peak. I saw Iggy fucking Pop. Live. It was fucking amazing. He's soooooooo PUNK RAWK. I'm not even kidding. He's freaking 60 years old and he can still put on an amazing show. He let the front row rush the stage during "No Fun." They had to stop the show so everyone could get off. Iggy would cause a riot! Only cringe-worthy part of the whole thing is that I missed "I Wanna Be Your Dog." That's ok. I'm over it.
After The Stooges, I sat on the lawn and hear Yo La Tengo playing. Then Modest Mouse played. I've never really gotten into them, so it wasn't the most exciting thing ever. Then I bought a 5 dollar piece of pizza and we walked over to Hutchingson Field to see Pearl Jam. In the process of waiting for Pearl Jam I watched TV on the Radio perform "Staring at the Sun." Very awesome. I watched Eddie Vedder perform about three songs when I said goodbye to Coleen and her friends and started the trek to the train station. Now I'm tired and smelly.
This weekend was terrible terrible terrible. But it was worth it just to be able to see Iggy Pop and the Stooges. It really was.
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| I'm a radio announcer |
[04 Aug 2007|11:22am] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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Commander Venus |
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Lollapalooza is NUTS. Working it is even crazier. I got wasted last night with some co-workers. We got off work at 4:30pm and immediately started drinking. We hadn't eaten all day so seriously from the time it took us to walk from the south side of the Fountain to the Bud Light stage to see M.I.A. we were getting a good buzz. By the time M.I.A. was done performing I was almost drunk. We were wasted by the time Daft Punk came on. I didn't feel like seeing them so I just went home. I'm kinda pissed that I missed LCD Soundsystem. We finished two 30 cases and there isn't anymore beer left over for my other co-workers. I'm glad no one had given me money yet. I would've felt really bad drinking all there beer. But in the end I broke even with the beer because every one who was drinking it gave me money.
I met a homeless dude who was sitting by Bobtail's North drinking a bottle of Jack. It turned out that we were from the same neighborhood. He was in gangs and in prison and has a 7 year old daughter in Texas. He was living on the streets and he was kinda deranged. He kept talking about his buddies that had been shot by cops or by rival gang members and how he had to avenge their deaths. I gave him 5 dollars. Coincidentally, Phil and Anna took swigs out of the bottle of Jack and Phil gave him his beer. Gross.
Today I have to close and it's going to be terrible. I'm tempted to call off. But I can't because they really don't have people to replace me. There's no one good playing before I start work. I'm going to be missing Regina Spektor, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Patti Smith, and Spoon. Boo.
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[24 May 2007|04:34pm] |
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mood |
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 hot |
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music |
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Beyond Pale Jim Gaffigan |
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Happy Birthday Mr. Zimmerman.
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