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[03 Jan 2009|05:45pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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music |
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Feel It All - Feist |
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Cancer Outlook for 2009
Cancer
6/22 – 7/22
Year 2009 Overview
As we enter the Golden Age of Aquarius, you are ready to receive all the blessings that are there for you, especially in the areas of communications and relationships.
Being understood and getting the responses you desire helps you believe in your ability to succeed and reach your highest potential. Your focus is excellent, and you know what you want. Use this to your advantage when working with others, but don't demand that they see your ideas as visionary -- even if you do. As ideas start flowing freely to you, make sure you articulate your insights clearly.
This year, you will be strongly motivated by transformation, especially in romantic unions. When balanced in your heart and mind, you easily express your emotions and are quick to support others. It is important for you to have a partner who is willing to explore different ways of doing things. You will experience many changes as you learn new ways of expressing yourself.
As you make this shift, avoid putting restrictions on yourself and stopping the flow. You are learning to behave in a new positive way, not worrying about the outcome. This will curb your need to control situations and enable you to take your relationships -- work and personal -- to a higher level of consciousness.
I don't believe in this shit... but with an outlook like this... I don't know...
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[26 Sep 2008|02:26am] |
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As soon as I kinda decided to slow down my pot smoking I meet a guy at the bar who decides to give me a whole lotta grass just because I'm pretty.... How did he know the yellow brick road to my heart?!?!?!
Best. Night. Ever.
Ps. I actually had a great time tonight!
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[12 Jul 2008|11:10am] |
oh man my birthday was amaaaaaazing. it was a week long celebration.
a whole bunch of random shit has been going down. people who i never ever wanted to hear from again suddenly popped back into my life. yuuuuuck.
my birthday has past and now i'm ready for it to be september.
so i've decided that this school year is going to be the best ever.
once i get my school check in rent will be taken care of and i'll be free to save money or spend it as i wish. i can't waaaaait!!!!!
right now things are tough cause i'm paying for everything on my own. come september everything will be fin. yahoooooo
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| OH NO CLOWNS. |
[04 Jul 2008|04:34pm] |
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music |
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Bright Eyes - Four Winds |
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Life is awesome. Clowns are scary. My birthday celebration was a success. 5 more days and it'll actually be my birthday.
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| and she said you're not the only one but you're the best, Bradley |
[12 Jun 2008|02:45am] |
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mood |
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 stoned |
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music |
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Waiting For My Ruca - Sublime |
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Study: Marijuana potency increases in 2007
By HOPE YEN, Associated Press Writer 48 minutes ago
Marijuana potency increased last year to the highest level in more than 30 years, posing greater health risks to people who may view the drug as harmless, according to a report released Thursday by the White House.
The latest analysis from the University of Mississippi's Potency Monitoring Project tracked the average amount of THC, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana, in samples seized by law enforcement agencies from 1975 through 2007. It found that the average amount of THC reached 9.6 percent in 2007, compared with 8.75 percent the previous year.
The 9.6 percent level represents more than a doubling of marijuana potency since 1983, when it averaged just under 4 percent.
"Today's report makes it more important than ever that we get past outdated, anachronistic views of marijuana," said John Walters, director of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy. He cited baby boomer parents who might have misguided notions that the drug contains the weaker potency levels of the 1970s.
"Marijuana potency has grown steeply over the past decade, with serious implications in particular for young people," Walters said. He cited the risk of psychological, cognitive and respiratory problems, and the potential for users to become dependent on drugs such as cocaine and heroin.
While the drug's potency may be rising, marijuana users generally adjust to the level of potency and smoke it accordingly, said Dr. Mitch Earleywine, who teaches psychology at the State University of New York in Albany and serves as an adviser for marijuana advocacy groups. "Stronger cannabis leads to less inhaled smoke," he said.
The White House office attributed the increases in marijuana potency to sophisticated growing techniques that drug traffickers are using at sites in the United States and Canada.
A report from the office last month found that a teenager who has been depressed in the past year was more than twice as likely to have used marijuana than teenagers who have not reported being depressed — 25 percent compared with 12 percent. The study said marijuana use increased the risk of developing mental disorders by 40 percent.
"The increases in marijuana potency are of concern since they increase the likelihood of acute toxicity, including mental impairment," said Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, which funded the University of Mississippi study.
"Particularly worrisome is the possibility that the more potent THC might be more effective at triggering the changes in the brain that can lead to addiction," Volkow said.
But there's no data showing that a higher potency in marijuana leads to more addiction, Earleywine said, and marijuana's withdrawal symptoms are mild at best. "Mild irritability, craving for marijuana and decreased appetite — I mean those are laughable when you talk about withdrawal from a drug. Caffeine is worse."
The project analyzed data on 62,797 cannabis samples, 1,302 hashish samples, and 468 hash oil samples obtained primarily from seizures by law enforcement agencies in 48 states since 1975.
___
Niiiiiiiiiiiice.
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| i'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places |
[05 Jun 2008|01:58pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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Billie Holiday |
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The inspiration lingers like the scent of lovemaking or lust.
Keep on, muse,
My sweet lover,
You, my locomotive, send me places deep into the lip of the earth
Where it is silent and warm,
Like the womb or between my sheets.
I curl up and you hug me and your hands travel up my side.
Your hands: tasers, electric shocks, lightning bolts.
They only strike once.
Am I the lucky one?
Will your touch singe my hair and fry my insides?
You touch me and I see things that aren’t there.
Perhaps I will become a genius with the shock of it all or
Go insane searching for patterns.
I’ll allow your touch.
Make me see things.
I will take you inside me.
Impatient and awkward.
You make me feel anxious,
My favorite feeling.
Go ahead: pummel me.
I’ll allow it.
The chaos below the belt feeds my notions.
My muse, make me a woman.
January 2008
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| This is not about love cause I am not in love. |
[02 Jun 2008|04:01pm] |
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mood |
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 shocked |
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music |
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Kimya Dawson - Tire Swing |
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This summer one of my projects is to read over all of my old journals. I have like 6 longhand journals starting from when i was 17. Sooooo in the first journal I ever wrote in I found this...
Character Traits For Liz:
submissive
naive
indecisive
insecure
moody
determined
funny
loud
hypocritical
laid back
caring
masochistic
sarcastic
What the fuck?!?!?!? That's what I thought of myself at 17. I guess I wasn't in a really good place. I'm glad I found this. This list shows me how much I've actually changed. It's really fucking weird.
Also, I think I might have been crazy back then. I would make things up and dwell on insignificant that I made up in my head. I don't mean I imagined people that weren't there. But situations that came up.... I would make them become way more than they actually were, occasionally adding some stuff for the extra flair and then "forgetting" it wasn't real. I don't know man. Why aren't I in therapy?
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[15 May 2008|05:22pm] |
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FUCK YOU FINALS I KICKED YER ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| this entry is entitled men are pigs, finals suck, homewreckers are pathetic |
[13 May 2008|10:30pm] |
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so i've been studying at caribou since 3:30. and i ate like 10 chocolate covered espresso beans and now my heart is racing and its a weird feeling. i'm praying so hard not to fail my french final tomorrow. i might even get on my knees and i havent decided yet.
again various things with various boys may or may not work out. i'm keeping my options open cause its gonna be a HOT summer in D-Town. So we'll see what happens. Men are pigs and they're all the same. That's something i've definitely come to realize. Fuck you feminists for being right all along.
mom and dad divorced and the split from last semester and this semester is complete. everyone is going their own way and i think its better that way.
homewreckers are pathetic especially if that person has no romantic involvement in the situation. i never thought i'd meet such a miserable, evil person. but i guess i knew one for a long time and didnt realize it. people are ridiculous. they're more ridiculous when they want to bring everyone down with them. yuck.
i want this semester to be OOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEER. two more finals and it's all done.
thank god.
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| riots on the streets of Chicago. |
[29 Apr 2008|11:51am] |
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music |
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April 29, 1992 (Miami) - Sublime |
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so since some dude came and killed people in my lecture hall i've had to walk really far to get to where they changed my class to. you know what that means... i havent been going. also for some reason i can't bring myself to go to my lit class... i dont know why. anyway. since the gun man (fuck you, gun man) came and did what he did the school gave us a week off after the incident. but now everything is pushed back a week. tests that should have been farther away from finals are now RIGHT BEFORE them. Papers are due and everything is smushed together.
Will this semester EVER END???
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[12 Mar 2008|01:35pm] |
Scattergories Instructions: . It's harder
than it looks!
*Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of
the following...they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up!
Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same
1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.
You're up!!
Remember to send it back to me! It's not as easy as you think!!!?
What is your name: Liz / Elizabeth
A four letter word: Love / Evil
Name a vehicle: Lebaron / Eclipse
Name a city: London / Evanston
A boy's name: Lionel / Elliott
A girl's name: Lola / Eva
Drink: Lemonade / Eggnog
Something you wear: Linen / Earrings
Name a celebrity: Lindsey Lohan (2 pts.) / Ella Fitzgerald
Name a food item: Linguini / Elephant Ear (2 pts.)
A reason for being late: Lost / Elopement
Something you shout: LAROLD!! (You had to be there) / Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
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| somewhat of an update |
[11 Mar 2008|11:43pm] |
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music |
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Dirtbombs - Pretty Princess Day |
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I haven't been able to write since before 2/14. I don't know how to break this writer's block.
I got really drunk last night.
I found an apartment with Alex!!! The search is over. It's farther from campus than I am now, but it's an awesome place (and cheaper, too) . Wee!
Spring break has involved lots of laying about and not enough productivity. Oh well.
I bought my dad a present for no reason.
Everything is slowly getting back to normal. It's beginning to warm up for real now. There's sun out at 7pm now. :)
Printemps! Vous êtes arrivé finalement!
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| it's not heaven i'm pining for |
[02 Mar 2008|08:38pm] |
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music |
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Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #4 |
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It's beginning to smell like spring. I swear I can sense the seasons changing. I woke up today and I heard birds chirping. I smelled the air and it smelled crisp and clean. It's wonderful. Although it's going to snow this week....
Story of my life. Everything is blooming and beginning to be perfect then BAM! a blizzard comes and buries me.
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[28 Feb 2008|02:09am] |
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I'm not okay. I'm going to counseling tomorrow if I can get myself up for it. I already know I won't be going to class.
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| We all remain Huskie's. Hold On. |
[15 Feb 2008|11:14am] |
April 16, 2007
I never thought this could happen on my own campus. My home turf, in the classroom I had been sitting in mere hours before. I was right next door. I saw people running and walking out of classes. Everyone was on their cell phones. I received a phone call from a friend of mine asking if I was okay because there had been a shooting at Cole. I spend half my week there. I thought it was one person who had been shot. I thought there had just been a fight or something. I found out that it was a rampage when I heard people who were running from the lecture hall say that the guy had opened fire from the stage.
I went to my classroom because I had a test and because basically I didn't know what the hell to do. The door was locked and everyone was standing by the windows. I had to bang on the door before anyone would let me in. I stood around for a little bit trying to decide what to do. My teacher said he was leaving because, verbatim, "I'm a journalist, I have to follow the story." So he kind of juggles with the idea of leaving us and the rest of the kids are thinking the same thing. I told them there was no way I was going to stay in there and just wait, I wanted to go home. So my teacher slowly opens the door and looks around and tells us it looks clear. I start to leave and I'm still trying to get a hold of my BFF. We talk and we plan to meet up with each other. She says the dorms are on lock down but she's going to try to leave and go to my place. I walk over to her dorm and I meet up with some people I know. I start panicking and I try calling my sister. There were so many people trying to make phone calls that the lines were overloaded and I couldn't get through. When I finally did get through she wasn't in her office. I tried again and again until I called the front desk and told them they needed to find her 'cause it was an emergency. They find her for me and I tell her what's going on. She tells me to calm down and to go to my apartment. I don't feel safe walking over there so I stick around for awhile. A girl comes out from the lobby of the dorms and she tells the kid that I'm talking to that his friend had been shot. This kid JD that I know had been shot in the leg and had run from Cole Hall to the lobby of the dorm. That's when I really freaked out and I half-walked, half-ran to my apartment where Ashley was already waiting for me.
By this time it was already all over the news. I try to call my dad but I either I can't get through or he isn't answering. I was so frustrated that by the time I got a hold of him I'm really freaking out. As soon as I heard his voice I break down and can't form an audible sentence. He sounded so scared on the phone. I finaly was able to tell him what had happened. I told him I wanted to go home right now. He told me not to call my mom or tell her anything. He said not to drive home. I told him he couldn't come pick me up because the campus was completely closed. He told me to calm down and take a pill for my nerves (?). I said I would find something. After we hung up we packed a fat bowl and smoked it. That calmed me down. I was in and out of touch with my dad and it was finally decided that I would stay here since I had to work today. That's when I started drinking.
Later on that night my friend Colin came over and we went outside and walked to a convenience store to buy smokes. We saw a lot of people walking with their suitcases and baskets of clothes and stuff. There were police and feds everywhere. My street, which is right across from the center of campus where it all went down, was shut down and they were checking identifications of people trying to drive through. There were helicopters everywhere and news people leeching on anyone who walked by. Trying to get the story. Trying to exploit our heartbreak. The helicopters didn't leave for a long time.
So in all 5 people died plus the shooter. The shooter was some normal guy who graduated from here last spring. He was a grad student at another big university in Illinois. He had 4 guns including a shot gun. He shot 22 people in all including the teaching assistant who he shot at first. People ran bleeding from the lecture hall into the dorm across the bridge (not even a 2 minute walk). Thankfully JD was only mildly injured. He ws patched up and sent home. When he ran into the dorm lobby he was supposedly taken care of by some ROTC Marines. They stopped the bleeding and kept him calm until the paramedics came.
This is the most fucked up thing to ever happen to a lot of us here. This isn't gonna go away any time soon. It's going to take a long time to heal. I'm afraid. I'm actually afraid now. I wasn't afraid when Virginia Tech happened. I compared my school to that school but it never felt real. I thought it couldn't happen here. It's too much, too uncivilized. It happened in a matter of minutes and it changed everything. Many people who were brave yesterday saying it was bound to happen are now beginning to feel the shock and the sadness. I was stoned most of the day yesterday so I didn't really feel anything. It's been sinking in all day. It sunk in the moment I opened my eyes at 7am and heard helicopters. It sunk in when I saw my campus on the Today show. It sunk in when I saw hundreds of students stand in the freezing cold waiting to sign the huge memoriam board in the MLK Commons. Jesse Jackson spoke at the memorial before the vigil. Our (rat of a) governor was here this afternoon. There are news vans up and down the Student Center cul-de-sac. Fucking vultures. If only they would leave, it'd be much easier to feel normal again.
I'm very proud of how the school handled this situation. It's sad to say, but this cannot be prevented. The way they responded helps me feel a little better about this. There were 2 cops on the scene 29 seconds after it happened. There were 8 more 2 minutes later. The school was in complete lockdown in 7 minutes. They did a great job and I'm very proud of that.
School has been cancelled until further notice. I don't know exactly what's going to happen to those of us that have class in that building. Thousands of students go through everyday. I'm not sure if they're planning to close it down or if they're going to move us for a little while or if I have to go back as if nothing happened. I don't even know when classes begin again.
I don't feel good. All the shitty things that have been going on these past weeks have culminated into this. Those other things don't matter anymore. The worst has happened so everything just seems smaller.
So it turns out the Westboro Baptist Church, truly disgusting animals that they are, are planning to protest at the students' funerals. Apparently this tragedy happened because we support the "fags." God is punishing us for doing that. So they're planning on crashing these funerals in order to send a message: "gay man BAD, bigot GOOD." There are already plans of people going to these funerals with tarps and peaceful signs in order to block these poor excuses for humans from the funeral.
I'm tired. This entry is long enough. I have nothing more to say.
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| If winter ends...... |
[14 Nov 2007|03:19pm] |
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music |
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Claire de Lune - Debussy |
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OJ's on trial again? What is this, 1995? hmph.
I've been less of a crab ass lately. I was in a really bad place last week though. I'm over it. Got my check, bought some pot. Everything is classy. It's cold though. Oh and things with various boys around here are not working out at all. I'm done with the lot of 'em. Somehow even that isn't bothering me. Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce, it looks like. How will our group hold it together? I guess if we really are as tight as we claim to be we'll get through this. Poor JZ and IV. hopefully shit works itself out. That's basically it. I'm cold, lonely, but happy.
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| Untitled |
[08 Nov 2007|02:03am] |
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
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music |
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Cat Power |
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The days are so short now
The night as long as a thousand miles
There is no getting out of it
Time seems to move in slow motion
Minutes feel like hours
Time isn’t paying attention
Time is daydreaming about her Prince Charming
Time is slacking
Yet, how is it that it’s this time of year again?
How did it arrive so quickly?
There are only faint memories of warmth
A weak memory of sunlight all day long,
Lazy breezes, bare feet on the pavement,
Sitting on the grass warm from the sun,
Sticky behind the knees, chirps and buzzes.
Everything is somber now.
Is it the weather or the mood?
The weather creates this dismal disposition.
This ugly gray sky has the ability to make a girl go nuts.
But not even the gorgeous falling leaves of the most brilliant red, yellow, orange can attest for these feelings.
It’s the worst part of the year to be heart broken.
It isn’t hard to see the beauty in it all.
The beauty in the sadness
Is those glorious tears.
Mascara running like India ink
A Pollack painting on a face.
It takes a certain kind of person to smile through the sobs.
Blame it on the weather.
Embrace it.
Become cold, icy even. A beautiful ice sculpture.
Don’t touch you’ll turn into ice too!
Frosty eyes, glazed over no more emotion flickers there.
Frigid insides, never to thaw again.
This heart that once glowed is now a Siberian tundra. No more desire crosses through its veins.
The immature brain, once passionate and filled with vitality is now turbid and full of ash.
Thoughts of romance, Eros, Casanova, Don Juan, and Romeo gone.
New thoughts being to appear in this wasteland.
Survival. Boundaries. Protection.
A Fascist society of a brain.
These borders are no longer open to one and all.
A fence has been built.
----11/7/07
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[07 Nov 2007|07:19pm] |
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i have $5.14 in my bank account. rent is due in 8 days. sweet. i am minus one friend now. that sucks. i'm okay with that now. strangely. it wasn't as important as i thought it was since it took me little to no time to get over it. whatever.
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[05 Oct 2007|12:50pm] |
I’m aimless
loveless
love lost
There’s barely a future in sight.
Where do I go with this thin piece of paper that holds my worth?
I’ve always been aimless
restless
lost.
----9-25-07
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